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thoughts of the week

  • @chelseabirkby


It’s all well and good learning the WAP dance until you can’t walk down stairs the next day and you've carpet burned your elbow.

You know when you fall into a rabbit hole of youtube? Me and my housemates call it getting sucked down the tube. Very important you say sucked down or in, not variations like sucked off. This pair of pleather trousers will be THE ONE! I tell myself as I order another pair. [Update, I think really might be] I’m very tearful this week. Earlier I dropped my houmous and cried. It was Sabra, which is already difficult. Sabra operates in OPT- modern life is googling the ethics of your preferred brand of houmous. And then still eating the humous, just feeling disappointed in yourself.

The reaction from it falling to crying was delayed like when I killed a deer

with my bare hands

No, very sadly with my car when it ran across a dual carriageway, then about 3 seconds after hitting the deer I screamed and, helpfully, beeped the horn. Also, my number plate came off so somewhere in Northamptonshire is a poor dead deer with my registration like a sick calling card.

I understand the deer, when I am very afraid I also freeze.

Kitty and I went swimming in Port Meadow. Well, the river. Unusually, the cows were fascinated with us and we realised it must have been because of my cow print bikini. As soon as I got dressed they lost interest. None of them were even cow print. Do you think cow print is the blonde of the cow world?

After wild swimming, your body sings. I think mine sings the shake your whammy fanny song (Funky Song) from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I posted this blog on a writers group for feedback and they said it could use some narrative structure. Or thematic structure. Little did they know I am post modern. Or something probably. Have you ever been having sex and the radio plays something distracting? This week it was More or Less. Tim Harford explains - and sometimes debunks - the numbers and statistics used in political debate, the news and everyday life … Hubba hubba!

Not as bad as Come on Eileen.

What do you do when it speeds up? What do you do when it speeds up!

That’s how you really get to know a person.

I'm sorry I'm so stressed, I have to go to a spa day

I recognise the overwhelming amount of swimwear shots at the moment, it's been a swim wear kind of time!

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