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thoughts of the week

  • @chelseabirkby


I listened to a podcast on Van Gogh for BBC Radio 4 in the 90s

they were really mean about his lover saying she was older and ugly and lazy and a prostitute and asked what he saw in her. This made me want to post a selfie in my bikini. Also a cowboy hat but that wasn’t for any noble reason just I really like them. Did you know the reason Vincent Van Gogh did so many self portraits is because he couldn’t afford (an iPhone )models to sit for him? Me and Kitty went for a lovely countryside walk until a creepy man walked to us through the bushes and we had to run away and then get a taxi back to our car. Isn’t that the most hack way to scare women! What are your small telltale signs of depression? Mine are not singing along to music (even Shania Twain), browsing depop for clothes tagged #sassy, tortellini and thinking “I’m so fucking depressed” every 15 minutes.

One night we watched telly and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was on and I asked “so were they just ordinary teenagers before?” Apparently they were just ordinary turtles, the name is not very clear as to cause and effect.

When people have been asking me what I have been up to I keep saying “nothing” and it makes me feel like Rachel from S Club 7 when she couldn’t answer “What’s your favourite nut?”.

My housemate said sex is the most vulnerable you can be with another person

but then he’s never been to clown school.

He said “that’s a good point”.

I bought some novelty socks that say “SEX GOD!” and “FABULOUS BITCH!”. I think you’re supposed to receive them as gifts but I am an existentialist. Another pair says “CHIEF WINE TASTER!”. whenever I do wine tasting everyone is like “I’m getting… a rose bouquet” or “I’m getting… deep berry notes” and I’m like “I’m getting...DRUNK”.

I must be feeling low because I cried in a McDonald's car park, I started my day by listening to Duality and when someone said how are you? I said "I'm in hell" and laughed. But as Sartre says "hell is other people. and heaven is a half pipe". The Slipknot thing reminds me of when I was singing WAP to Taylor Swift's Cardigan and accidentally sang "look in my mouth, spit in my eyes", which is so Corey Taylor.

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