Bonne journee! I’m currently 3rd in the emerald league on Duolingo and I’m out of control. I’m so obsessed with that I now only do the...

It’s been a stressful week because I bought a new hairdryer. You know that crushing guilt you get after you buy something expensive. But...

The hotel I love posted about this blog and then a friend read it and said it was funny. So I’m BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!!! I just got back...

My fur cardigan is lethal with fluff. Sarah had to consider taking a pirateze. I checked the label- it said Missguided and it was.

the morning after a night out I opened my Spotify to find my last search, at 2am, was “sex music”. I bet it was just Drake.

I’m banned from microwave popcorn. Alex says just do it for less time but it’s not less time this microwave is too powerful; it’s the...

I wrote one joke this week after hearing the word “schlong”. And it’s “schlong?” more like a "schlort!"

If you look up "regret” in the dictionary you’ll find Well you’ll find the definition but it will always remind me of that time.

I am approaching a fork in the road. Hey why is a fork in the road- that could cause a puncture!

I had to ask the photographer “is there a tool to edit the sadness out of my eyes”. He said no, but he'd did put me in black and white

My colleague commented on my instagram “did you take yourself to a sex hotel?” I said “It’s not a sex hotel! But also yes".

I used to make spell books like old maps- staining paper with tea and burning the edges. Why did they them like that in the old days?

On Sunday I had an emotional hangover from the memories and crucially, the absinthe.

Modern life is googling the ethics of your preferred brand of houmous And then still eating the humous just feeling disappointed in yourself

I love art galleries for the first hour. I had to remember not to wear any of PVC trousers because of how noisy they are.

In lockdown, Mum called me a “wasteman” because I couldn’t identify basil and parsley by the leaf.

My housemate said sex is the most vulnerable you can be with another person but then he’s never been to clown school.

On Thursday morning, Mum said “I bought you special breakfast: petit pois” intrigued, I went into the kitchen. It was pains au chocolat.

Once you get passed Pitlochry there are loads of flat earth signs. Strange for such a mountainous region.